


Message of Love

by DestielHardcoreLove, Swlfangirl



Series: A Tribute To Journey [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Car Accidents, Fireman Dean, Getting Back Together, M/M, Reckless Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-12 19:25:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13553979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielHardcoreLove/pseuds/DestielHardcoreLove, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swlfangirl/pseuds/Swlfangirl
Summary: Dean was the love of Benny's life.  He'd do anything for him.  Anything.  But watching as his boyfriend continuously spiraled out of control and did absolutely nothing to stop it while constantly pushing Benny away in the process...Benny wasn't sure how much more he could handle.





	Message of Love

_I, walk alone in the dark, with you_  
And deep, in the shadows I run, without you  
And here, here I stand, the king of fools  
Now Love's here, where are you  
  
_[Chorus:]_  
Baby can you hear me  
Can you hear me callin'  
Baby can you hear my  
Message of love  
Baby can you hear me  
Can you hear me callin',  
Baby can you hear my  
Message of love  
  
Why, have I waited so long to be there...for you  
Now, now I'm ready to give everything...to you  
Now love's here, where are you  
  
_[Chorus]_  
  
I hear...but I never listen  
I see...and still I'm blind  
All alone...lost in the silence, I'm dyin'  
  
_[Chorus]_  
  
Message...do you, do you. do you hear me  
Do you hear my message  
Baby can you hear me callin', callin'  
Do you, do you hear me

* * *

 

 

 

Benny closed his eyes, his head falling back on the couch when he finally heard the lock on their apartment door click.  The time read 1:35 a.m. on their blu ray player, making Benny sigh even heavier.  Things had never been easy between them, from the moment they started dating it was like one test after the other.  But this new one was the worst.  Dean knew how he felt about drinking.  It had left his momma a widow and him without a daddy when he was just a kid.  It wasn’t exactly like Dean didn’t care...just used it as another way to push Benny’s buttons.

 

And the kid was getting damn good at that.  At first it had been exciting and unpredictable.  Two years later had Benny exhausted and nearly at the end of his rope.  He’d tried the talking thing, he even suggested maybe talking to someone else but that only ended in a screaming match between them.  

 

He glanced over when the door pushed open and then closed, the sound of Dean’s clothes rustling making him tense up.  Benny could practically smell the alcohol all the way over where he was sitting and it only pissed him off. 

 

“Dean.”  

 

“Theeere you aree,” Dean grinned, slurring a bit but not too badly. He’d taken a cab home because the last time he asked Benny to come get him the man was pissed for a week. 

 

“Mmm missed you,” he said, moving closer, wrapping his arms around Benny’s neck and angling for a kiss.

 

Benny moved his head out of the way.  The more he fought this the more aggressive Dean would get so he finally just gave in, like he always did and kissed him back.  The stench of alcohol nearly had him gagging but he ignored it in favor of getting Dean on the couch, “You promised me you wouldn’t be out this late.  You have to be at the station house early, remember?” he asked with a huff.

 

“S’fine, juss need my ffffour hours...annnnd you.” Dean grinned, pulling at the waistband of Benny’s sweats until they were near the stairs. 

 

“Dammit Dean,” Benny growled out snatching up his wrist, “You’re going to go into work hungover again!  Do you really think Bobby’s gonna keep forgiving that!” Benny couldn’t help it.  When Dean was drunk it brought every ounce of his anger even though he knew it wouldn’t do a damn thing.  Either Dean wouldn’t remember when he woke or he pretended that he didn’t.  Either way the conversations were always forgotten.

 

“Shh, c’mon, Ben...jusss take me to bed.” Dean hated when Benny got like this. They used to go out and have a drink or two together but now he was left on his own and it seemed like the more time passed the more stubborn and angry he got. 

 

Benny shook his head, his stomach twisting in a knot and just the idea of having sex with Dean when he was this drunk, “Definitely not, c’mon lets get you in bed so you can try to sleep some of this off,” he grumbled.

 

“Ugh, fineee.” Dean said, pulling away. “I’ll jus take care of it myself. Nothin’ newww then.” 

 

Dean moved away from both Benny and the banister, instead making his way toward the kitchen and then on to the first floor bath. It wasn’t until he slammed the door behind him that he heard Benny’s path upstairs echoing back through the quiet house. 

 

* * *

 

Dean winced as he undid his boots, it was almost time for him to head home after being on call for the last twelve hours. He’d gotten over the headache quickly but his right ankle was twisted during their last call and he knew it was going to be a bitch if he didn’t get some ice on it. He was careful not to limp as he stepped into the firehouse kitchen, grabbing an ice pack from the freezer. The last thing he needed to explain was some kind of injury that he figured would heal up enough to get around before he had to come back in twelve. 

 

Of course he’d just gotten the cold pack inside his sock when he heard Vic call out a greeting to Benny.

 

_ Great, another lecture.  _

 

Benny had already planned on bringing lunch for Dean but the message he’d received from Bobby a few minutes ago set his teeth on edge.  He made his way through the place until he found Dean in the kitchen and dropped the bags on the table, “How bad is it?” he asked.

 

‘It’s not a big deal, I just bruise like a peach,” Dean said, trying to keep his tone light. The last thing he needed to do was to set Benny off on another one of his lectures in the middle of the station. The guys still fucked with him about being the only bisexual person on the crew, getting called to heel by his boyfriend wouldn’t do much for his already  _ stellar  _ reputation. 

 

“How hungover were you?  Dean, you can’t keep drinkin like this before your shifts,” Benny said through clenched teeth crossing his arms across his chest.  He could already see the anger flaring in Dean’s eyes because of course, his boyfriend would...could never see that Benny was just worried about him.

 

“Can we just not...not here. I’m almost ready to leave, can we just get home before you start tearing into me in front of my friends?” Dean said,pulling the ice pack off even though it was a bit premature. He could still feel the throb of pain in his foot, but whatever got him out of there before Benny caused a scene, was what he was going to do. 

 

He did everything he could to school his expression as he pulled his heavy boot back on over his cold sock, looking down and away from everyone just for an added layer of protection. 

 

“Dean...c’mon, you know-” Benny jerked as the station was suddenly filled with the shrill alarms.  He tried to reach out for Dean, to tell him to be careful and maybe try to talk him out of even going because of his ankle but Dean just leveled him with a glare.

 

“I’ll see you when you get back,” he said instead.

 

“Yeah, see ya.” Dean said. He shook his head and tried not to flinch in pain as he took off in a jog toward the truck. 

 

He had work to do. 

* * *

  
  


Benny ended up going back home.  Being alone at the station house just worked his nerves into overdrive.  The moment he got home the tv was switched on to the local new station and within seconds he was shown the building that had caught on fire.  It was huge.  Benny’s heart plummeted as he sunk down on the couch.  His boyfriend was in there.  His boyfriend with a twisted ankle.  Bile rose up in his throat and he fought to keep it down as his eyes stayed glued to the screen.  

 

The newscaster went on and on about something, the tone of her voice going to one of panic but the words weren’t making sense to him.  The next thing he knew he was watching Dean rush back into the building while the others were running out.  The only reason he even knew it was Dean was because of Bobby’s voice yelling, “You’re gonna get yourself killed ya idgit.”  And the only person Bobby called that, was Dean.

 

“Fuck!” Benny shouted watching as the pathway that Dean had entered practically exploded, plumes of fire pushing out violently.  His throat locked up and he couldn’t breathe, not until a few moments later Dean finally reemerged, claiming he was fine.  Benny sunk down on the couch and rubbed at his face.  Dean being reckless on a normal basis was something he was used to.  But this...what he did tonight was too much.  Not only is he hung over but has a busted ankle due to being hungover and then running back into that building?  And for what?  Benny shook his head and groaned, he didn’t think he could take much more of this.

* * *

 

Dean winced as he pushed harder on his baby’s gas pedal. He wanted nothing more than to get home and unwind. He even resisted the urge to stop off at the Roadhouse because he knew it would just start another fight and he was hoping he could actually fucking get laid for once. He knew he was tightly wound and it only made things worse, the same could be said for Benny but the guy clearly wasn’t interested in fucking him, at least not like he used to be. 

 

Sometimes Dean thought it would be better for both of them to just go their separate ways but he loved the guy more than anything in the world, but he’d changed...maybe a little too much. 

 

He undid both of his boots as soon as he stepped inside, muttering a curse when he saw how swollen and beat up his twisted ankle was. Sighing to himself he knew that Benny was gonna have a fit over that too. 

 

Still, he tried to put on a happy face, “Hey, Ben...I’m home…” 

 

Benny rushed over and hugged Dean tightly, needing to be reminded that his boyfriend was still breathing, “I saw it on the news,” he grumbled out.  He held onto Dean for a few more minutes before letting him go, “Why did you go back in there?  You scared the shit out of me,” he said.

 

“Oh you know how they are, always trying to add drama...I was just doing my job, Ben. I’m fine.” 

 

“Dean, I saw the explosion.  What the hell could have been so important for you to go rushing back in there when everyone else was running out!” Benny said, trying to keep his voice level but he’d been so freaked out watching it on the tv that his panic was starting to show again.

 

“I can’t do this, not tonight. You wanna lecture me, you wanna tear me a new one go ahead but I’m tired Benny. I busted my ass out there and I don’t need to come home to this every fucking day,” Dean backed away, again fighting off the twitch from pain as he sat his foot back onto the floor and started walking toward the kitchen. “You knew the risks going in and you still said you wanted me...I guess some things change.”

 

“That has nothing to do with this!  You drinking until late into the night and then pulling those kind of stunts...that’s not what I signed up for!  You’re being reckless and one of these days it’s gonna get you killed,” Benny said following him into the kitchen.  God he didn’t want to fight.  He wanted to pull Dean into the bedroom and do anything but this.  He just wanted Dean to open his eyes and finally see what he was doing.  Not only to himself but their relationship.

 

Dean blinked back at him. “So what, I had a couple rounds the night before a shift to blow off some steam...you used to go out  _ with _ me. Now all you seem to want to do is sit around here waiting for me and then getting pissed at me when I try to have a little fun.” 

 

Dean pushed one of his own ice packs against his swollen ankle before finally looking back at his boyfriend. “I’m not seeing the problem here, Benny. You’re freaking out over  _ nothing _ . I had a little headache when my shift started but big deal, I feel worse sometimes on days I don’t drink and am still capable of doing my damn job.” 

 

“And that’s the problem Dean.  You don’t think there’s a problem when there’s a whole shit pile of them.  It’s not just one night here and there...it’s every night Dean.  Whether you see it or not, it’s affecting your work.  It’s affecting  _ us _ ,” Benny said moving closer knowing Dean was ready to shove him away.

 

“Hate to break it to you, but it’s not  _ every _ night. I came straight home tonight, like an idiot, thinkin’ maybe my boyfriend would be happy to see me,” Dean scoffed, how had he been so fucking stupid. “Hell maybe we might even manage to fuck in our bed where I haven’t actually felt wanted in  _ months _ . But no, instead I have a lecture waiting for me, yeah...fun times.” 

 

“I’ll sleep on the couch tonight, have fun upstairs.” 

 

Benny stared at Dean and felt the last chord snap.  His entire body deflated as he swallowed past the knot forming in his throat, “I-I can’t do this anymore Dean,” he said looking down at his hands, “You’ve used every excuse in the book to push me away and like some stupid loyal dog I just kept coming back, hoping that someday you’d stop.  You’ll blame me, say that it was me lecturing you or the fact that I don’t like having sex with my boyfriend who’s so wasted he won’t even remember it.  And yes, I’m very well aware that you’re aren’t drunk right now,” Benny spat.

 

“I’m sorry Dean but I just can’t anymore,” he said.

 

“Yeah well, just remember...I’m not the one leavin’,” he said, shaking his head as he barely resisted the urge to limp toward the couch. He loved Benny, loved him so much his heart felt like it was shattering into pieces at the thought of the man really walking away from everything they’d made together. But if that’s what he wanted, Dean wasn’t going to try to stop him.

 

Though, he really did wish he’d picked up a bottle of bourbon on the way home. 

 

Guess that could wait till he’s gone, it’s probably better that way. 

* * *

  
  


When Dean came home to an empty house for the third time in a row, the dam broke and he just shifted back on his heels, slammed the door, and headed straight to the bar on the edge of the town. He’d been there a time or two and they weren’t as quick to cut him off as Ellen was.

 

The warm burn of Jack in his throat was familiar and comforting, he’d drown his sorrows a little more. 

 

It became a bit of a routine after that, but bein’ a firefighter was hard work and there wasn’t anyone around to nag him about it anymore so who the fuck cared. He busted his ass on the job, got shit done, and then blew off a little steam afterward, especially when he had his three days off. Occasionally he started out at the Roadhouse just sharing a couple drinks with friends before he told them all he was headed out and grabbed a few more rounds somewhere else. 

 

Eventually it just made sense to stop paying three times as much for what were partially watered down drinks. So, instead he just bought a couple bottles and took them home. 

 

The longer it took for Benny to come back, the more steam Dean needed to let off...it was an endless cycle. 

 

His alarm clock pierced through the pounding in his head and Dean crawled his way to the shower. After a few beats of ice cold water rushing over his skin he still felt like shit but at least he was awake. 

 

When he finally managed to get on his feet, he washed last night’s hell off and headed toward the kitchen. Of course, he was disappointed when he got there after realizing he’d put the grocery shopping off so long that even his coffee canister was empty. 

 

“Fuck it,” he mumbled to himself, grabbing his keys. He’d just pick something up on his way to the station. 

* * *

 

Bobby watched as Dean stumbled into the station and shook his head.  He’d made the mistake in calling Benny to see if Dean was doin okay.  Benny stated as simply as he could that they were done and to not call him regarding Dean.  Then hung up.  That was a few days ago and with each one that passed Dean seemed to get worse.  Bobby loved Dean like he was his own son and was a damn good firefighter but Bobby had to think of the others.  And he couldn’t let Dean keep coming in hungover and risking not only his life, but one of the others.

 

He got up from his desk and followed Dean into the locker room and cleared his throat, “You look like shit son.”

 

“Well you’re just as pretty as always, Bobby.” Dean said, sipping at his coffee hoping the pressure behind his eyes would release any moment. He’d tried to scarf down the greasy sausage and biscuit he’d got for himself but his stomach had turned at the smell of it so he’d put that thought away quickly. 

 

Bobby jerked his head to the side, giving the silent get the hell outta here to a few of the guys lingering in the room.  The quickly left and Bobby moved to sit next to Dean, “Benny told me you two are done.  What happened?” he asked.

 

The name itself brought the sting of a slap to Dean’s whole body. “Well since he’s your bff now why don’t you call him and ask why he walked out on me...I don’t have time for this shit.” 

 

Bobby clamped a hand on Dean’s shoulder, making him sit back down, “Don’t even start that shit with me kiddo.  Now, you better start tellin me what the hell's goin on with you or we may have to start discussin some vacation time,” Bobby said with a quirked brow.

 

Dean’s head snapped back as if Bobby had punched him in the face. “You know what; a vacation sounds like a great idea…I don’t need this.” 

 

He tossed his coffee into the trash by the door as he made his way back to his baby. At least she was always on his side, always took care of him. 

 

Dean’s personal life wasn’t anyone’s business but his own, least of all Bobby. 

 

He stopped at the convenience store a few miles away from the house when he remembered the mostly empty bottle of Jack that was laying beside him when he woke up. There was no way he was going to be able to stop thinking about Benny without it now, dammit Bobby...he’d just gotten to a place where he could fucking function without driving himself crazy over the guy not being there every fucking day like he’d promised. 

 

Dean loaded up the conveyor belt with bottles, a few different kinds to make it less suspicious. The last thing he needed was some stoner college student judging him.

 

“Throwing a party this weekend,” he said with a fake smile. 

 

“Yeah, sure..” 

 

Once he’d paid though, Dean flipped the guy off and carried the bags back to his baby. 

 

He usually didn’t drink and drive, knowing how much it pissed Benny off...not to mention it was a sore point in both of their pasts, but Dean also knew that he’d need something to numb his damn thoughts before they became too much. 

 

He cracked the seal on the first bottle he could grab and drained it until the burn in his throat was all he could focus on. 

 

_ Finally, a moment of peace. _

 

* * *

 

Benny poked at his microwave meal and grunted before throwing the entire thing into the trash.  He didn’t want to cook and even if he did, he wasn’t that hungry.  Hadn’t had a real appetite since he left.  It didn’t help that Victor had nothing but those nasty microwave meals in his freezer.  

 

He wanted to go home.  He wanted his kitchen back, his bed...his fucking boyfriend.  Everytime he thought about it though, the drunk version of Dean comes back into his mind.  If Dean would be willing to clean up and change, Benny would put up with the bad attitude that came with it.  

 

Shaking his head he leaned up against the counter and rubbed at his face.  He’d get through this.  It was going to suck and take a long time but eventually...he hoped, he’d get through this.  

 

“Shit,” he gasped when his phone went off next to him.  It was a number he didn’t recognize and almost didn’t pick it up.

 

“Hello?”  

 

“Yes, is this a Mr. Benjamin Lafitte?” Melissa asked, keeping her voice as even as possible. 

 

“Yes?  Who’s this?” Benny asked, the hackles on the back of his neck standing on end.

 

“Mr. Lafitte, this is Melissa Mccall. I’m a nurse at Saint Mary’s Medical. Do you have someone with you, maybe a friend of family member?”

 

Something in his stomach dropped and he staggered over to a chair, “N-no...what...what is this about?” he asked, voice quivering a bit as he fought to control himself.  There was a flash in his mind of who this was about and he clenched at the table until his knuckles turned white.

 

Melissa swallowed hard, of course the guy had to be on his own. She  _ hated _ making these calls. “I’m sorry to have to do this over the phone but there’s been an accident and Dean Winchester was admitted early this morning. He’s stable at the moment but you should get here as soon as possible, maybe find someone to drive you…” 

 

Benny dropped his phone.  The loud clack barely registering in his mind.  Thank God he was already sitting or he would have collapsed to the floor.  Distantly he could hear someone calling out, probably the woman on the phone but he could hear her.  The voice of his mother telling him his Dad was dead overpowered it.  He slammed his fist against the table and bellowed out a shout as he shoved himself away from the table.  

 

He didn’t even bother picking up his phone as he stormed out of the house.

 

* * *

 

Everything hurt. 

 

That was the first thing that registered. 

 

His brain, his arms, his toes, everything felt like a giant fucking bruise. 

 

Dean tried to remember what happened, maybe he’d fallen at work, but that didn’t seem to fit. His lungs were surprisingly clear, which was new. There had been a few times when he’d woke up to the steady beat of machinery and  _ always _ there was smoke in his lungs or part of his skin still felt as if it were on fire even if he’d never actually gotten burnt under his gear. 

 

This was new, and somehow even more awful. 

 

“You with us?” said a warm, friendly voice. 

 

He tried to open his eyes but the light that invaded his brain was too much and immediately he closed them back. 

 

“Oh yeah, that’s gonna hurt for a while. I’ve given you potassium which will help a little but other than a couple aspirin I can’t do much more for that hangover.” 

 

Dean groaned. 

 

_ Fuck _ … that’s right, he’d lost control of his baby….how’d had he let that happen?

 

His mouth was dry and his throat scratchy but he muttered out a quiet, “Thanks.”

 

“No problem, handsome but you should know...you’re damn lucky to be here talking to me instead of Dr. Deaton downstairs...he runs the morgue.” 

 

Dean winced, but he couldn’t function enough to say anything back, not that he really had the desire...images of the Impala smashed to bits kept his mouth shut. 

* * *

 

The girl at the front desk barely got the room number mumbled out before he tore down the hall.  It was easy to find.  Dating a fireman led to a lot of visits to the hospital but this was vastly different.  The others he could handle just fine...not this.  There had been a brief hope that maybe, just maybe this was another work related accident until he saw it.  Saw  _ her. _  Baby smashed almost to the point where he didn’t recognize her.  He knew right then Dean had been drunk.  It burned him from the inside out, the fury bubbling to the surface until he felt ready to explode.  

 

Before he knew it he was standing outside of Dean’s room.  For the life of him he couldn’t force himself to go in.  He didn’t want to see Dean like this.  Granted he was alive and breathing, it didn’t change the fact that one small deviation could have ended his life.  Benny was not okay with that.  Something sour churned in his stomach, forcing him to lean up against the wall with a groan.  

 

He almost turned to leave when the nurse stepped out, giving him a small smile as she hurried down the hall.  Benny swallowed hard and nodded, finally pushing himself to open the door and peek inside.  

 

The nurse, whatever her name was, he couldn’t remember. She’d made him try to blink his eyes a bunch of times but every single one felt like a laser straight to his brain. Eventually she’d relented and dimmed the lights, and closed the blinds a bit tighter. It still felt overwhelming but he could finally hold them open for a few seconds at a time. 

 

When he heard the door creak, his eyes opened automatically. 

 

He almost wished they hadn’t. 

 

“What are you doing here, Benny?” he said, his voice breaking a bit on the name.

 

Pain radiated through his chest as he closed the door and stepped closer to the bed.  Dean looked horrible.  Scratches and a giant bruise colored the left side of his face and he ached to reach out and touch him but Benny remembered at the last moment that he didn’t have the right to anymore.

 

“Guess I’m still your emergency contact,” Benny said, anger lacing his words as he took in the rest of Dean’s body.  He shook his head again and dragged his fingers through his hair, pulling on it a little.

 

“Sorry, I’ll uh..I’ll change it as soon as they let me out of here,” Dean said, finding it difficult to even breathe with Benny in the room. It hadn’t been easy before but one look at the guy and it was like he was stuck in a vacuum. He wanted so badly to pull him in and beg for forgiveness but he also knew that he’d been a damn idiot and Benny deserved so much better than the shit he’d put him through the last few months they were together. 

 

“Yeah well...do...you do what you need to do,” Benny said, teeth clamping down on his bottom lip as he fought to keep from breaking down.  The longer he stared at Dean in that bed, the faster his resolve was breaking.

 

“God dammit Dean,” he hissed, “Why?  Why did you do this?”

 

‘I didn’t..” Dean started, but he knew it wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference. Still, it’s not like he had any other explanations. “I didn’t mean to, Ben...I don’t know why I let it get this bad.” 

 

“I don’t know either Dean.  From the moment we got together you’ve done nothing but push and shove me away.  Maybe you just couldn’t find an actual way to get rid of me until you started drinking,” Benny spat out, “If it was that horrible why couldn’t you just break up with me Dean?  Why drag it out and torture me with all this fucking drinking and then nearly get yourself killed!” Benny couldn’t control it anymore, once one tear made its way down his cheek it was like floodgates burst open.  He wiped at his face and turned away so he didn’t have to look at his  _ ex _ boyfriend.

 

“You’re right...I shouldn’t have done it, any of it. But I’m also...I can’t do this right now, Ben...if you wanna scream at me or hell even give me a beating, you can,  but… can it wait until later maybe?” He asked, the room spinning a bit around him as he tried and failed to keep his eyes open. 

 

Benny clenched his jaw and gave him a curt nod, “Fine.  Call me if you need anything Dean,” he said straightening his back before heading for the door.  He hesitated for a second, a hope that Dean would call him back burning deep in his chest.  When it never came he swallowed down the last bit of his pride and stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut.

* * *

 

The next few days were quiet,  _ too _ quiet if he was being honest. Bobby and a few of the guys stopped in a time or two and Sam called, apparently having just enough information to give him a self righteous lecture. 

 

He made apologies to everyone he could though he knew it didn’t really change anything. Sure as hell wasn’t bringing Benny back….that was another sore spot. Dean had wanted to stop him but he’d already screwed everything up enough that he didn’t deserve a chance to make it worse. 

 

Melissa smiled sadly at him when she gave him his release papers and for the first time in a long time Dean realized he was well and truly alone. Bobby and the guys were busy at a fire across town and he wouldn’t distract them from the job even if he could...Sam was on the other side of the country. He knew he needed to talk to Ellen, apologize for everything, for making her watch him drink himself sick, and even more for hiding it when she made it hard for him. 

 

But he was supposed to be leaving and his baby was undoubtedly in pieces, not to mention there was no way in hell he could drive with a fracture in his right leg. 

 

His finger hesitated over Benny’s name...he knew he shouldn’t, but he also didn’t really have much of a choice. 

 

Dean took a deep breath and tapped Benny’s name. 

 

Benny was putting the last of the groceries into the fridge when his phone buzzed in his pocket.  He had a feeling who it was.  Sure enough he watched as Dean’s name flashed on the screen and only hesitated for a split second before finally answering it.

 

“Hey,” he said.

 

“Hey, uh...look I really hate to ask you for anything after, well everything but they’re ready to push me out the door and I don’t have a ride home,” he didn’t pause long, the nervous flutters in his stomach nearly overwhelming everything else, even the guilt. “You can say no if you want, I wouldn’t really blame you.. I could wait here til one of the guys get off work…”

 

“Dean,” Benny huffed out a little laugh and rubbed at his forehead, “Yeah of course I’ll come get you.  I’ll be there in ten okay?” he said snatching up the empty bags with his free hand and tossing them into the bin.  

 

“Yeah, uh thanks, Ben…really.” 

 

“I’ll see you soon,” Benny said and hung up.  He could do this.  He could pick Dean up, drop him off and then get the hell out of there.  All his stuff was already in Vic’s garage, his clothes being the only thing left in the room.  He’d grab those on his way out.  Then maybe, just maybe he’d be able to move on.

 

Yeah right.

 

Benny shook his head at how stupid that sounded but got moving.  The sooner he got this over with, the better.  It took him less than ten minutes to get there and he jumped out to help Dean climb into his truck.

 

“You need any prescriptions or anythin?” Benny asked after getting the crutches into the back seat.

 

‘They gave me some pain killers but I think maybe I should just leave them here. It’s not too bad anyway,” Dean said, fighting the urge, no instinct, to lean in and press his lips against Benny’s plump soft mouth. “If it gets worse I can always just pop a couple aspirin or something.” 

 

“Alright,” Benny said and jumped into the truck.  Having Dean this close, not to mention sober, after not having him around for so long was torture.  Swallowing hard he got the truck started and headed back home...to Dean’s house.  

 

“Look, I know things are bad between us but you need anything while you’re laid up call me okay?” Benny said softly as he pulled into the driveway.

 

“Okay,” Dean said, with a soft smile, though he knew that he wouldn’t, not if he didn’t have to at least. Benny deserved some time to himself instead of constantly putting up with the shit he threw at him. “Thanks again, Benny...Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

 

He turned quickly before the lie showed on his face. It wasn’t the first time he’d ever been on crutches but it had been a while so he struggled a little in the beginning. Thankfully though, he made it inside before he fell on his ass or something equally stupid. 

 

Dean hobbled his way into the kitchen to get some kind of  _ real _ food in his stomach to find the refrigerator stocked with his favorite things. Confusion overwhelmed him given how he distinctly remembered it empty the last time he’d checked, and a warmth fluttered in his stomach that Benny had done this for him. 

 

It took him a few beats of looking for something he could throw together to realize that there was still some things missing. Where Dean’s orange cream soda in the glass bottles was stacked neatly on the left, the place where Benny put his rootbeer was instead packed up with fresh fruit. The cajun hot sauce he kept in the door, always at least one bottle usually two or three...gone.

 

Dean stumbled his way over to the counter without the crutches, the panicked fear driving higher and higher in his chest as he reached to open it. 

 

Gone.

 

Benny’s favorite mug, the one Dean had bought him on their first date...it was gone. 

 

Lying to himself, he said maybe it’s just the necessities, maybe it was just the things he needed during the break. 

 

Dean used the countertop to pull himself back over to the crutches where he painfully pushed himself faster back toward the living room. 

 

Which was when he saw the entertainment center half empty, shelves of shared movies and books leaning, half his life had disappeared. 

 

That was when he broke. 

 

He chucked the crutches as far as they would go, forcing him on his ass with nothing to hold onto. .The want of a drink came over him something fierce but even if there was still booze in the house, which he doubted, he couldn’t have picked up the bottle...not after everything. 

 

Dean swiped at his eyes, cursing himself as the world around him fell apart. 

 

Benny had just grabbed up the bags of his clothing when he heard the crash.  Fearing the worst he bolted down the stairs to find Dean on his ass in the middle of the living room, crutches clearly thrown away from him.  A snide remark was on his tongue when he saw that Dean’s cheeks were wet and he was on the brink of hyperventilating.

 

“Shit, Dean...hey, hey what’s wrong?” He asked quickly moving to his side and crouching down.  Dean didn’t answer at first.  Benny grabbed at his face to make him look up and asked again.

 

“I’m sorry, God Benny..I’m so sorry...I-” the words were choked off and Dean couldn’t stand to look into those bright blue eyes anymore. He pulled away, knowing he was a damn mess. 

 

Benny sighed heavily and looked down, “C’mon, lets get you on the couch,” he said.  Dean was dead weight as he lifted him on the couch.  Before he was asked he went into the kitchen to grab some tylenol and water.  The fall to the floor probably hadn’t felt too good on Dean’s leg.

 

“Here,” he said handing the items over before sitting across from him on the coffee table.

 

Dean took it quietly, knowing if he tried to speak again his voice would just crack and break over every word. The same etched out hollow feeling reflected inside him. He swallowed the pills and a few drinks of water but the impending panic attack was still bubbling up, pushing against the surface. 

 

Benny watched him closely, taking the glass from him when it was empty.  He wanted to say something but he wasn’t sure what he could even begin to say.  So instead he got up, placed the glass in the dishwasher and took one last look around.  After two years that this was his life, he couldn’t believe it was over.  The familiar knot wedged itself in his throat as went back over to where he’d dropped his bags.

 

“I gotta get goin,” he said just above a whisper.  Somehow the bags felt even heavier when he lifted them.

 

“Don’t-” Dean started, he wanted to promise to be better, to do whatever he had to do to earn back what he’d lost. Part of him knew though, that he’d never really deserved Benny. That the guy would probably be happier with someone else, someone who could give him more. However, seeing their home half empty, the life they’d built together shattered into pieces; it made him weak. It made him selfish. And the words came out through his guilt anyway. “Don’t leave me, Ben...Just stay, please. I’ll-I know I won’t ever be- I’ll do better though, I swear...just, don’t leave me.” 

 

Benny opened his mouth but nothing came out.  Seeing Dean like this was killing him.  His chest was so heavy and all he wanted to do was climb on that couch and pull Dean close.  The question of what happens after stopped him though.  He kept a hold of the bags, scared that if he let them go he’d do exactly what he really wanted.

 

“Dean...what about the drinking?” he asked squeezing his eyes shut.

 

“Done, cold turkey..I’ll never take another sip…” he promised, an ugly gnawing in his stomach making him wonder if Benny would stay out of some sense of obligation, out of not wanting Dean to drink himself stupid every night. 

 

Benny glanced up at Dean, trying to see any kind of hint that Dean wasn’t serious.  All he saw was pain and desperation to keep Benny with him.  He swallowed around the knot and dropped his bags, taking a few steps closer, “And what about the fighting?  You gonna finally stop pushin me away?” he asked.

 

“I-” Dean wanted to swear to it right away, wanted there to be no doubt for Benny but he honestly wasn’t sure he could. He knew Benny deserved better than him, there was always this dark, repulsive part inside himself that ate at him until he did something, anything to show Benny how awful he really was.

 

Swallowing hard, Dean let out a slow breath. “I don’t know, I don’t want to do it but sometimes I just- I get caught up in my own shit and the next thing I know we’re fighting and I’m doing everything I can to show you that you deserve better..” 

 

He licked at his lips, focusing his eyes on the hardwood floor they’d picked out together to replace the ugly beige carpet that was there when they’d moved in. Finally, he looked back up, speaking through the thumping pain in his chest. “I’ll try though, I’ll try to do better...whatever you want from me, I swear Benny..I’ll do anything I can to make it happen.”

 

“Is...is that why?  Cher...fuck,” Benny groaned closing the distance between them until he was kneeling on the floor between Dean’s knees.  He reached up to touch at Dean’s face and both of them sucked in a sharp breath at the contact, “I never knew you thought that,” he whispered.

 

“Dean, I don’t deserve better because you’re the one I want.  The only one I’ve ever wanted.  I love you so fucking much.” 

 

He didn’t want to argue, not after he felt like maybe he had a chance of getting back what he’d lost, so Dean pushed back the insecurities and baggage that felt like they were draining him on the regular. Instead, he focused on the beautiful man in front of him who seemed to be at least considering giving him another chance.

 

“I love you too, Ben..I-I don’t want you to go, I’ll do whatever you want just please, don’t leave me again.” 

 

“Shhh, it’s okay Dean.  It’s gonna be okay,” he said crawling up on the couch.  It took some manueving but they finally managed to lay down on the couch together, Dean wrapped up tightly in Benny’s arms.  He knew things weren’t going to be that easy, that Dean couldn’t change that drastically overnight.  But the fact that he was  _ willing _ to change had a deep ache in Benny’s chest ease up a bit.  

 

“Get some rest cher, we’ll talk more later,” he whispered, tilting Dean’s face up so he could kiss his forehead.

 

“Love you,” Dean mumbled just before he drifted off, hoping like hell that when he woke up it wouldn’t be back to the nightmare that he felt like he’d been living in the last few days. 

* * *

 

Benny hollered along with the rest of the crowd as Dean not only took second but third base.  It was the annual baseball game between Dean’s station house and police department.  Past games Dean had either sat out or chose not to go but this year Benny had been pleasantly surprised at the change of heart.  One of many in fact since Dean’s accident.  At first it had been awkward between them, tiptoeing and being overly careful.  Benny’s not sure what did it but one night things just shifted between them.  

 

Dean stayed true to his word about the drinking. Even socially, he kept away from the temptation.  At get togethers Dean opted out, choosing soda or even water to stick with.  The pushing away and fighting well, Benny knew that was going to take some time.  Instead of just letting it go or blowing up at Dean, he tried to talk to him about it and things were better now.  

 

“Yeah!  Go Dean!” Benny shouted, whistling loud enough for Dean to hear out on the field.

 

Dean shook his head at his ridiculous boyfriend, but he still felt warm all over at Benny’s display. He winced a little when he saw it was the newbie on deck, Zeke had just joined up and Dean liked the guy well enough but he could be a bit of a clutz. He offered support alongside his teammates but he wasn’t expecting much given the guy nearly brained himself jumping off the truck last week. Not to mention the police department had some kind of freaking minor league dropout playing pitcher, Dean himself had barely managed to get a hit. 

 

Strike one.

 

Strike two. 

 

Poor kid. 

 

Then there was a ping of metal connecting to hard rubber. Dean’s shock kept him still for a few beats after he should have been running but when he got ahold of himself he took off like a shot for home plate. 

 

“Holy shit!” Benny laughed watching as the ball flew past any of their reaches.  By the time they’d get it, everyone would be past the home plate.  The cheers from the crowd were so loud it almost drowned out the pounding of everyone’s feet against the bleachers.  Maybe they actually had a chance to win this year.

 

“Is that your husband out there?” a young woman asked next to him.  He smiled wide and shook his head.

 

“Nah, not yet anyway,” he said.  The woman laughed softly, nodding her head as they looked on as the teams switched.  The game went on for another couple of hours, each team doing their best.  When Dean swung for the last time, it practically flew out of the damn ball park.  Benny jumped up to his feet yelling for his boyfriend again.

 

He could feel the dirt shift under his feet, kicking up behind him as he ran his way around the bases, the crowd exploded and literally went wild in their seats. Dean couldn’t stop long enough to watch them but he could hear everyone, including Benny, going nuts. His teammates were waiting for him behind home plate and as soon as Dean’s foot tapped the white rubber he was engulfed in a sea of appreciative friends and coworkers. 

 

Once the scoreboard declared Dean’s team the winners, Benny and everyone else raced out of the stands.  The team seemed to part for just him as he managed to get closer, “Oh my God that was fucking awesome baby!” Benny shouted once he got within arms reach.

 

Dean fought off the blush at hearing how proud Benny was of him. He shrugged a little, still high on the victory, “It was a team effort.” 

 

“Yeah it was but I don’t get to do this with the others,” Benny grinned before swooping down to give Dean a kiss.  There were hollars all around them that cut their kiss short but both of them were smiling wide and laughing, “So proud of you cher.”

 

“I had fun, wish you could have been out there with me though…” Dean said, smiling up at the beautiful man he’d managed to charm into putting up with his shit. Leaning in, while his teammates were distracted, Dean whispered, “Maybe we’ll find another way to put all those muscles to good use, huh?” 

 

“Oh I have plans for you later, don’t you worry about that,” Benny grinned wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist for as long his boyfriend would let him.  Once the crowd started to thin out Dean gently pulled away and Benny helped him gather up his stuff.

 

“You hungry or wanna just go home?”

 

“Yes? I was thinkin’ maybe we stop at the store and pick up a couple things then I could whip us up somethin for dinner…” he trailed off, mentally checking off potential meals. He enjoyed cooking, Benny did too which meant they both ate pretty well usually, but he also wanted to celebrate a little, he’d been clean and sober for six months and it felt pretty cool. “How do you feel about homemade deep dish with like,  _ everything _ ?”

 

“Mmm, sounds fucking awesome,” Benny groaned pulling Dean in close to kiss at his cheek, laughing a bit as Dean blushed.  Neither of them were too big on pda but on occasion Benny found he couldn’t keep his hands off his boyfriend, “I could make some pie to go with it for later,” he said.

 

“And that’s why I love you,” Dean teased, tugging at Benny’s hand until they were away from the crowd. “C’mon let them do whatever they’re gonna do...we’ve got our own  _ private _ party to get to.” 

 

* * *

 

Benny popped in a piece of apple into his mouth, turning his head to watch Dean sway his hips to the beat of the song playing on their radio.  It had all kinds of thoughts racing through his mind and his mouth going dry.  Both of them wanted to make this work, to put all their effort into making their relationship a good one.  Silently they had made the agreement to keep the more physical side of it tame.  

 

Now, Benny could see the differences and it definitely felt different but six months was a long time.  A slow smirk lifted his lips as the next song to come on was a slow one.  He made his way over and pressed his body up against Dean’s, gently swaying with him, “Hi,” he whispered against Dean’s ears as his hands rested on his boyfriend's hips.

 

“Hey there,” he said back, just as softly. He loved the feeling of Benny’s hands on him, even if it was just casual, affectionate touches. 

 

“Smells good,” he said kissing along Dean’s shoulder until he could press his lips against the soft skin of Dean’s neck, “The food smells good too,” he chuckled.  

 

“You’re such a dork,” Dean said, though he still tilted his head further to the side to give Benny more access if he wanted it. The pizza was cooling on the counter, a pan of cheese breadsticks pushed into the oven in their place, and now he’s just putting together a quick dipping sauce. “I like this, cooking, just being here with you...it’s  _ everything _ , y’know?”

 

Benny smiled against his skin and hummed, hugging his arms even tighter around Dean’s middle, “It is sweetheart,” he whispered.  They stayed just like that until Benny absolutely had to move and then it was to finish the pie and swap it out for the breadsticks once they were done.  The kitchen smelled like fucking heaven.  He said as much as they started to move the food onto the dining room table, choosing to sit next to each other to stay close.

 

“Mmm, yeah...it does smell pretty damn good in here.” Dean said with a chuckle, carefully sitting the pizza stone down onto their custom butcher block dining table. 

 

“I cannot wait to dig in,” he grinned, “Grab us somethin’ to drink and I’ll cut this baby open.” 

 

“Sure thing,” he said and hurried back into the kitchen to grab them each a soda along with his homemade ranch.  After snagging several napkins as well he finally sunk down into his chair and groaned as Dean plopped a huge slice onto his plate.

 

“I swear to god if this fireman career of yours doesn’t pan out, you need to open a restaurant,” Benny grumbled through his first huge bite.

 

Dean chuckled, but something hot seared through his gut. He’d thought about opening a place several times, most of them in his youth when he didn’t have the money or credit to do something like that. But he’d been paying attention and the restaurant game was pretty hardcore. “Nah, it’s probably better that I stick with what I know. Besides, not many places around here stay open for more than a year or two and they’re usually worse off at the end of it than they were when they started.” 

 

“Yeah but those places didn’t A...have your damn fine cooking skills and B, didn’t have me to back you up,” Benny grinned, giving Dean a wink before grabbing at his hand, “You know if that was every something you really wanted to do I’d help ya figure it out.”

 

“I know, it’s fine Ben, really. I’m happy cooking here, I don’t know how I’d feel about it if I had to do it all the time every day, it might change things…” Dean said, popping a bite of his pizza into his mouth and half moaning at the taste. Part of him too happy that he found that leftover sausage from breakfast yesterday, giving it just the right amount of spice with his sauce that was a bit on the sweet side. “Besides, I’m damn good at my job and I help people, I like doing that.” 

 

“Hmmm, how about we do something for the community then?  A feed the homeless type of thing?  I know we’ll need those stupid ass permits or whatever but I can figure that out,” Benny said, a slow smile growing on his lips as he saw the delighted look on Dean’s face.

 

“I uh..” He thought for a few beats but the voice in the back of his head that usually piped up with something sarcastic or pessimistic was surprisingly quiet. Dean couldn’t actually think of any reason it wouldn’t work. Sure, he knew finding donors and stuff like that could end up being a bit of a bitch. Still, he was charming and most people liked him. He figured maybe together, with him and Benny both on it, they’d be able to handle it. “Is that something you’d want to do? I mean..for you, not just for me?” 

 

“Not gonna lie cher but most of that is gonna be for you.  But I’m gonna have a hell of a time with you doin it so yeah, it’s somethin I really wanna do,” he said leaning in to steal a kiss that tasted like garlic and tomato.  He licked his lips and grinned wide.

 

Dean felt himself flushing at how fucking supportive Benny always was. It was a little intimidating, he knew that he wasn’t the best boyfriend when it came to most things but he’d been doing better and was hoping, one day soon, he could prove to both himself and Benny that he’d really changed.

 

Still feeling the heat on his neck and cheeks, Dean smiled, looking up into those perfect light blue eyes. “We can look into it, I guess..couldn’t hurt anything to try.”

 

“You got it,” Benny smiled, reaching out to squeeze at Dean’s knee.  They ate the rest of their meal in a comfortable silence, Benny having to get up and check on the pie a few times.  Before Dean could get jump up to get their dishes into the sink Benny scooted out from under the table and yanked Dean down onto his lap, “Thank you, your cooking is always so damn good,” he laughed as his hands started to go up and down the outside of Dean’s legs.

 

“You’re welcome, Ben...I like cooking for you, for me too but that’s beside the point,” Dean teased, leaning in until their foreheads touched. 

 

Benny shook his head fondly, “I love you Dean,” he said, laughter lilting his words as he gazed lovingly up into Dean’s face.  No matter what bullshit they but the other through, moments like this one made it all worth it.  He cupped the sides of Dean’s face and kissed him slowly, savoring the leftover taste on his lips along with the Dean’s pure one.

 

“Mmm, love you too Ben.” 

* * *

 

Dean was waiting in bed for Benny as nervous flutters swept through his stomach. He hadn’t meant to get his hopes up but somehow despite himself, he was lying there hoping that tonight would be different. It wasn’t fair to Benny, or to himself that he treated his recovery as some kind of reward program...it wasn’t intentional. But Dean also worried that they wouldn’t really be able to work things out until they reclaimed that part of their lives together.

 

Though he understood the hesitation, it had been so long and he missed everything about having Benny as a lover. It wasn’t just  _ sex _ , even when it was quick or dirty, Dean still felt their connection, felt wanted, like he had somewhere that he belonged. He knew it wasn’t a punishment, at least not intentionally, but the fear that he’d never be able to make up for what he’d put Benny through was high on his list of insecurities. 

 

He shook his head at himself and rolled over onto his side. 

 

Whatever happened, would be fine. He was just glad to have Benny in his life again and  _ nothing _ was going to take that away from him. 

 

Benny turned off the bathroom light and smiled, watching Dean roll over onto his side.  Today had been such an awesome day and even though both of them were tired, the night was far from over in Benny’s mind.  He hooked his fingers into his sleep pants and pushed them off before climbing naked into the bed.  Dean let out a sigh as Benny moved closer, molding his body against Dean’s so his boyfriend could feel how much he wanted him already.

 

He laid there for a second, his breath stuttering in his throat. For just a moment, Dean thought maybe it was just his imagination, or maybe a byproduct of their closeness, but when he felt Benny’s hips nudge against him the most pathetic noise erupted from his throat. He swallowed hard, still almost too terrified to believe it. 

 

“Are-are you sure you’re-we’re ready for this?” he asked, his heart hammering against his ribs.

 

Benny kissed along Dean’s shoulder and neck, his hand moving from Dean’s hip to start rubbing up and down his chest and stomach slowly.  It seemed to calm his boyfriend down a little, “I’m sure, unless you think you need more time cher,” Benny whispered already knowing the answer.  His hand slipped down further and grinned as he wrapped his fingers around Dean’s erection.

 

“Nope..nah I’m good, no complaints here,” Dean said, only half resisting the urge to bite his hand to keep from whimpering like a virgin. It had been too long since he’d had anything other than his own right hand. ‘Just might not last long.” 

 

“Don’t hold back baby,” Benny groaned biting into Dean’s neck as he tightened his grip, “I plan on making you cum more than once tonight,” he chuckled.  Benny let go of Dean for just a second, slipping his cock between Dean’s ass just to tease him even more, “And don’t even think of holding back those noises, it’s been too damn long since I heard ‘em.”

 

With a little help, Dean managed to scramble out of his sweats easily enough, kicking them as far as he could when his feet were finally free. The tight grip stroking him along with the feeling of his plump head of Benny’s cock against him was all that he needed. It wasn’t long before his whole body was spasming through orgasm. 

 

Dean felt the heat crawl up his back and cheeks, he was pretty damn embarrassed at how quickly he’d spilled but he was comforted by the fact that he knew it wouldn’t be the end. 

 

“S-sorry, it’s just been awhile.” 

 

“Don’t be sorry,” Benny cooed kissing up Dean’s neck to his chin, “Told you I’m not done with you at just one orgasm,” he grinned moving them so that he was hovering over Dean.  He caught Dean’s lips in a deep kiss, his tongue plunging into his mouth.  It felt so good having Dean there, naked and warm in his arms.  The wait had been torture but Benny knew it would be worth it in the end.  

 

Benny moaned as he sucked hard on Dean’s bottom lip before pulling away a bit, “Hands and knees cher, wanna get at that ass.”

 

Dean quickly complied, almost eager to feel it again. To feel Benny’s hands on him, his breath, the feeling of complete satisfaction he experienced when stuffed full of Benny’s cock. “Ungh, if you’d have told me, I’d have already been prepped-ahh,” Dean’s words were cut off into a moan when he felt Benny’s thick thumb pushing at his rim. 

 

“Nah, you know I love prepping you myself.  Need to hear those noises you make when I get you sloppy wet,” Benny groaned, his own cock throbbing at how much Dean’s hole was fluttering.  He leaned in and dragged his tongue over it, teasing the rim a few times before starting to wiggle his tongue inside.  Dean was tight and so hot inside it pulled a deep growl from Benny’s chest as he moved closer, trying to get his tongue in as deep as he could get it.

 

“Ahh-fuuucck,” Dean moaned, the familiar feeling coming back to him in waves. Benny’s velvet smooth tongue digging in deep and breaking him apart. It was unlike anything he’d ever experienced before Benny. The way the man could tear him to pieces so easily, and put him back together again left Dean floundering for something solid to hold onto. 

 

He gripped tightly at the sheets as his whole body began to quiver. “Oh God, Benny...fuck that-ungh that feels amazing.” 

 

Benny moaned as he continued open Dean up with his tongue.  It never took long for his boyfriend’s body to become lax and ready for him.  Benny loved to tease though, to push Dean to the point of begging.  He gave one last lick to Dean’s rim before dragging his thumb over his hole, “God you look so good like this,” Benny growled out.  Dean was slick enough for a finger or two but he needed lube.  Thankfully he’d replenished their supplies earlier that day in hopes that their night would go in this direction.  He crawled up to the nightstand and quickly got out the new bottle.

 

“You want me to fuck you just like this baby or on your back?” Benny asked squirting some lube on his fingers.

 

“Ungh...here, like this...fill me up,” Dean begged, his body shaking in anticipation. Each and every single nerve seemed to be lit up with longing. He needed Benny inside him to the point that it was nearly painful. “P-please, Ben...” 

 

“I got you sweetheart, I’ll take care of you,” Benny panted getting his cock slicked up as well.  He pushed in two fingers slowly, making sure Dean truly was ready for him and shuddered at the guttural moan that filtered into the room.  Gripping himself at the base he lined up and slowly began to push into Dean, both of them nearly whining when the head of his cock eased in.

 

“Oh fuck Dean,” Benny groaned, pushing until he was fully sheathed into Dean’s body.  His slick fingers found Dean’s cock and grinned when he felt he was already on the way to becoming fully hard again.

 

He could barely think, let alone speak. The familiar stretch and fullness, the sensations overwhelmed him immediately and left him breathless. He’d craved it for what felt like forever and finally the satisfaction of it was almost too much.Benny didn’t move at first, let both of them adapt to it all, but then there was a quick snap of his hips and a loud, dirty moan flew from Dean’s mouth. 

 

“Umphf,” he said, accidentally biting off a second moan which only triggered Benny’s hips to snap again, harder this time forcing Dean to call out. “Fuuuck, Ben.” 

 

“Oh shit, there it is,” Benny groaned, eyes nearly rolling back into his head when he finally got to hear those precious noises only he could yank out of Dean.  For a brief second he considered slowing it down, to take his time and really break Dean apart but both of them were too needy for that.  The way Dean clawed at the sheets and how Benny’s body ached at just the thought of going slow further proved that they needed it just like this.  Hard and fast to feel it over the next few days.  

 

Benny became almost relentless, his hips slamming into Dean only to pull their hips flush and grind hard and dirty against him.  While one hand gripped tightly onto Dean’s hip, the other slid up his spine to grip the back of his neck.

 

“Yes, fu--harder, ungh, r-right there,” Dean moaned, his words stuttered off with every full press of Benny’s cock back into him. He started to lose track of time, just focused on the hard relentless thrusts behind him. It was perfect, just right, and he could feel is dick starting to leak even after an already intense orgasm. “Sh-shit, g-gonna fuuuh-cking lose it.” 

 

‘You wanna cum on just my cock or you need some help?” Benny grunted out, fingers needing into the muscles he had a tight grip on.

 

“N-no, j-ungh-just this,” Dean moaned, his whole body shivered in anticipation of the release. It wasn’t often that he could do it, almost always preferred just jerking himself off, but it had been too long and it was amazing to feel Benny inside him again, he didn’t want to put any attention on anything else. “F-fill me up.” 

 

Benny shuddered hard but somehow managed to get control back over his body.  He wanted Dean closer to the edge.  He kept up the rough pace, rolling his hips until found that magical spot inside of Dean.  His grin turned feral as Dean all but sobbed as Benny angled his hips to keep hitting with every thrust, “Cum with me sweetheart,” Benny whispered into his ear.  The moment Dean tightened around him Benny was gone, a shout tearing out of his throat as he came with a hard jerk of his hips.

 

Dean barely felt the warm rush inside him before his own orgasm peaked over the edge and he began to shake under the powerful waves of pleasure that flooded out of him. Benny’s name on his lips over and over again as the ecstasy pooled in his veins. It was so strong that his knees and elbows shook and he nearly fell flat against the bed from his trembling limbs. 

 

Benny’s eyes blurred out a bit as he slowly came back to himself.  It was then that he noticed the trembling in Dean’s body and gently lowered them both to their sides.  He groaned as he slipped free from Dean, already missing being that closely connected with his boyfriend.  Wrapping up Dean in his arms and pulling the covers up to their chins he nuzzled his face in Dean’s neck and sighed softly.

 

“I love you so much sweetheart,” he said.

 

“I love you too, Ben...feels really good to uh, to really be  _ us _ again.” 

 

“Mmhmm,” Benny hummed, threading their fingers together.  His thumb dragged over Dean’s ring finger and smiled in secret.  Soon that finger wouldn’t be so bare.  He just had to wait a little bit longer.


End file.
